There is a short list of thing I don't like. It ranges from Non-free software (any thing Apple comes to mind here), Taxes, working over at work, and general stupidity just to name a few. The list of things I hate is even shorter. Politicians in general, debt, and one unnamed person from high school. Then I have a special list that tops them all, the "Things I Loathe" list. Although I should change to word "things" to just the singular "thing" because there is only one resident that lives in this list. Riverfest.
As a short disclaimer: I have very bias opinions about this so please do not take my views as the end all on the matter.
One weekend every year I live in a state of constant rage and overall unpleasant disposition. I can not pin it down to why I feel this way towards a simple event that I myself have not been to in years (more than 10). My wife has been on the board that organizes the event the last couple of years up until this year. And during these years is when I really started to build these feeling towards it. When I stopped going it was just because it was not very fun, the bands were never anything worth spending the time on. It was just a place to go to have something to do in this town, which offers very little in the way of entertainment. But when you see a person you care about coming home from meetings crying because everyone was arguing and blaming each other over a lackluster event you feel upset. Or seeing them run into the ground with nothing in the way of compensation. At first I just didn't like the way she was being treated and couldn't understand why she would be putting herself in that position. It may not always seem this way but if someone was to hurt her, I would be hell bent on doing everything in my power to do something about it. The same would hold true for either one of my little girls. Normally I am a pretty laid back person and I have only gotten really angry very few times in my life.
Just as a side note, I once got mad at a girl in high school and put my fist through a picture of her in a glass covered frame, through the wall panelling made of wood and into a stud inside the wall. This little outburst cost me a trip to the ER to get 10 stitches and a broken finger or two. And even looking back on it now, it was worth every second of pain that it caused. Needless to say I am not a violent person but I couldn't say I wouldn't have done the same thing to her face that night had I been close enough.
I say all that to say this, it is hard to do anything to an event other than just not go. Which is the main problem I believe in this situation. I have no real way to vent the feelings I have built up so they just sit there and fester like a rabid sore over flowing with infection. There is just no other way to say it. I try not to think about it and just let it go, but every year when the wife says she is going or helping or anything involving Riverfest, I get the feeling all rushing back and causing me not to be able to sleep eat very much or be very sociable at all. It is really screwed up that I have as little control over the matter as I do. I do not want to take it out on her or anyone else for that matter, but that is usually what happens. I do feel bad about it later but in the heat of the moment it is like a werewolf changing over and going on a killing spree. Just today I told myself I would not blow up when she came home, but I did.
Next year I plan on taking a week of vacation the week of the event and getting out of town just so I can pretend it is not happening. I know this is sad but I don't what else to do other than remove myself from the situation and hope it goes away. Because I would hate to say or god forbid do anything I could not fix with a simple "I am sorry". And if my wife wants to continue being part of it then good for her. I just don't want to be around.
Now I know most people will see this as complete craziness, and I for one would have to agree. But no matter what happens it still gets to me in a way I can't explain or do anything about. It is really frustrating. It should be over in a few hours so I only have 362 days before I have to worry about it again. And hopefully I will get some much needed sleep tonight and begin making up to the wife who I am sure I have angered over the past couple days.
No comments:
Post a Comment