I am by no means the advocating type for anything. I don't tend to spread my ideals and way of life to other people actively. I don't take part in rallies or events meant to spread awareness for anything. Needless to say I am not the extrovert type, I am proudly and quietly the regular run of the mill introvert. But when pressed I am not ashamed or too shy to tell you what I am thinking or how I feel. So with this post I tend to change some of that. So here goes my first big step into the world of advocating something I do feel rather strongly about in recent years.
When I first started out with computers I think I was about 13 or so. I remember my mom got us a Packard-Bell PC with Windows 95 on it. I have fond memories of America Online. Listening to those little rings and chirps as you were connecting to the outside world. We weren't the richest family growing up so we had to make do with all those free 24 hours Cd's America Online would put out in the mail. I would burn through those in just a few days. I was amazed at how it all worked and how I could find stuff way easier and faster then trying to go find a book that had what I was looking for in it. Needless to say it was love at first sight for me. Don't believe me just ask the wife or anyone else that knows me now. I am proudly the resident geek and overall computer and tech gadget go to man.
After the newness wore off of just browsing the web or playing freecell, I started to explore deeper. I remember the first time I saw source code. It was confusing as all hell but something about it perked my interests. It's like a whole different world that most people just pass by everyday and never even realize it is there. Most people that use computers today have no knowledge what so ever about how they work and most could care less. Every computer today operates on binary code which is just a bunch of ones and zeros. And they can do nothing that they are not told ahead of time how to do. This is where programming languages come in. At this current time there are more than 50 different languages one could use to tell a computer how to deal with certain things. I myself know a little of about 5 different ones. They all have different strengths and weaknesses, but that is a completely different post to itself.
Back to the original idea I was after is every computer you use has some type of software running on the hardware to get the job done. You have tons of different types of software ranging from Operating Systems, standalone applications, web apps, phone apps just to name a few. All of these has at one point a person or team of people sit down and write all the code for it to work. But overall every piece of software falls into one of two categories. Free (as in free speech) and open source or propriatary (closed source) software. Just as an example just about anything from Microsoft or Apple is closed. Which means you pay them for the right to use their software and you have no right to change or in most cases even see the source code. You have to agree to use it the way they want you to and you give all rights away to do so. If you have ever spent the time to read one of those terms of service you will see what you are really giving up to use the software. In just about all cases even though you pay for it you do not own anything.
Now to the other side of the coin, enter Open Source software. Things like Linux, FreeBSD, Unix, and a mega ton of other software fall into this side. Most of the Google apps you use to things like Android on your phone to FireFox web browser are all examples of open source.
So why should you care, I hear you asking? Well for starters most of the Open Source stuff is free. But even better you don't end up signing away your first born child for the right to use it. And to take it one step further if you wanted to you could look at and even change the software to your liking if you were so inclined.
I have been using Linux as my main operating systems for about 5 years now, and every chance I get I find a open source app to get the job done instead of using something else. This is the main reason I have an Android phone rather than an Iphone. There is usually and equal or sometimes better open source solution for every closed source one. The benefits are really beyond the scope of this post, but I would be glad to help anyone to better understand the situation if they wanted to know. My intentions for this post was just to get the word out that there is a better way then what you may be using now to free yourself from the chains that bind you to the money hungry companies. More stuff will follow in further posts to start to teach people how to take back control of the stuff you pay your hard earned money on.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Dissecting Anger
There is a short list of thing I don't like. It ranges from Non-free software (any thing Apple comes to mind here), Taxes, working over at work, and general stupidity just to name a few. The list of things I hate is even shorter. Politicians in general, debt, and one unnamed person from high school. Then I have a special list that tops them all, the "Things I Loathe" list. Although I should change to word "things" to just the singular "thing" because there is only one resident that lives in this list. Riverfest.
As a short disclaimer: I have very bias opinions about this so please do not take my views as the end all on the matter.
One weekend every year I live in a state of constant rage and overall unpleasant disposition. I can not pin it down to why I feel this way towards a simple event that I myself have not been to in years (more than 10). My wife has been on the board that organizes the event the last couple of years up until this year. And during these years is when I really started to build these feeling towards it. When I stopped going it was just because it was not very fun, the bands were never anything worth spending the time on. It was just a place to go to have something to do in this town, which offers very little in the way of entertainment. But when you see a person you care about coming home from meetings crying because everyone was arguing and blaming each other over a lackluster event you feel upset. Or seeing them run into the ground with nothing in the way of compensation. At first I just didn't like the way she was being treated and couldn't understand why she would be putting herself in that position. It may not always seem this way but if someone was to hurt her, I would be hell bent on doing everything in my power to do something about it. The same would hold true for either one of my little girls. Normally I am a pretty laid back person and I have only gotten really angry very few times in my life.
Just as a side note, I once got mad at a girl in high school and put my fist through a picture of her in a glass covered frame, through the wall panelling made of wood and into a stud inside the wall. This little outburst cost me a trip to the ER to get 10 stitches and a broken finger or two. And even looking back on it now, it was worth every second of pain that it caused. Needless to say I am not a violent person but I couldn't say I wouldn't have done the same thing to her face that night had I been close enough.
I say all that to say this, it is hard to do anything to an event other than just not go. Which is the main problem I believe in this situation. I have no real way to vent the feelings I have built up so they just sit there and fester like a rabid sore over flowing with infection. There is just no other way to say it. I try not to think about it and just let it go, but every year when the wife says she is going or helping or anything involving Riverfest, I get the feeling all rushing back and causing me not to be able to sleep eat very much or be very sociable at all. It is really screwed up that I have as little control over the matter as I do. I do not want to take it out on her or anyone else for that matter, but that is usually what happens. I do feel bad about it later but in the heat of the moment it is like a werewolf changing over and going on a killing spree. Just today I told myself I would not blow up when she came home, but I did.
Next year I plan on taking a week of vacation the week of the event and getting out of town just so I can pretend it is not happening. I know this is sad but I don't what else to do other than remove myself from the situation and hope it goes away. Because I would hate to say or god forbid do anything I could not fix with a simple "I am sorry". And if my wife wants to continue being part of it then good for her. I just don't want to be around.
Now I know most people will see this as complete craziness, and I for one would have to agree. But no matter what happens it still gets to me in a way I can't explain or do anything about. It is really frustrating. It should be over in a few hours so I only have 362 days before I have to worry about it again. And hopefully I will get some much needed sleep tonight and begin making up to the wife who I am sure I have angered over the past couple days.
As a short disclaimer: I have very bias opinions about this so please do not take my views as the end all on the matter.
One weekend every year I live in a state of constant rage and overall unpleasant disposition. I can not pin it down to why I feel this way towards a simple event that I myself have not been to in years (more than 10). My wife has been on the board that organizes the event the last couple of years up until this year. And during these years is when I really started to build these feeling towards it. When I stopped going it was just because it was not very fun, the bands were never anything worth spending the time on. It was just a place to go to have something to do in this town, which offers very little in the way of entertainment. But when you see a person you care about coming home from meetings crying because everyone was arguing and blaming each other over a lackluster event you feel upset. Or seeing them run into the ground with nothing in the way of compensation. At first I just didn't like the way she was being treated and couldn't understand why she would be putting herself in that position. It may not always seem this way but if someone was to hurt her, I would be hell bent on doing everything in my power to do something about it. The same would hold true for either one of my little girls. Normally I am a pretty laid back person and I have only gotten really angry very few times in my life.
Just as a side note, I once got mad at a girl in high school and put my fist through a picture of her in a glass covered frame, through the wall panelling made of wood and into a stud inside the wall. This little outburst cost me a trip to the ER to get 10 stitches and a broken finger or two. And even looking back on it now, it was worth every second of pain that it caused. Needless to say I am not a violent person but I couldn't say I wouldn't have done the same thing to her face that night had I been close enough.
I say all that to say this, it is hard to do anything to an event other than just not go. Which is the main problem I believe in this situation. I have no real way to vent the feelings I have built up so they just sit there and fester like a rabid sore over flowing with infection. There is just no other way to say it. I try not to think about it and just let it go, but every year when the wife says she is going or helping or anything involving Riverfest, I get the feeling all rushing back and causing me not to be able to sleep eat very much or be very sociable at all. It is really screwed up that I have as little control over the matter as I do. I do not want to take it out on her or anyone else for that matter, but that is usually what happens. I do feel bad about it later but in the heat of the moment it is like a werewolf changing over and going on a killing spree. Just today I told myself I would not blow up when she came home, but I did.
Next year I plan on taking a week of vacation the week of the event and getting out of town just so I can pretend it is not happening. I know this is sad but I don't what else to do other than remove myself from the situation and hope it goes away. Because I would hate to say or god forbid do anything I could not fix with a simple "I am sorry". And if my wife wants to continue being part of it then good for her. I just don't want to be around.
Now I know most people will see this as complete craziness, and I for one would have to agree. But no matter what happens it still gets to me in a way I can't explain or do anything about. It is really frustrating. It should be over in a few hours so I only have 362 days before I have to worry about it again. And hopefully I will get some much needed sleep tonight and begin making up to the wife who I am sure I have angered over the past couple days.
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